1. First, you need to accept the fact that you can't control another person. Each of us is an individual with our own needs and opinions. Consider it a matter of respect to accept the other person as-is (and expect the same in return!) even if you can't understand their point of view.
2. Define what you want in terms of the end results - not what you want the other person to do. Once you decide to accept the other person as-is, the end result you're looking for often becomes much simpler to identify. Say you're upset because your husband promised to paint the kitchen and he didn't do it. When you remove all the emotion around the subject, isn't what you really want is simply to have the kitchen painted? 
3. Take responsibility for getting what you want. The key to getting what you want is to figure out how to make it happen yourself. Explore other options - hire a painter, ask a friend to help, have a painting party. 
4. Communicate simply to the other person what you want and what you will do about it. This has to be done calmly and without rancor - it's not an ultimatum, it's you taking responsibility for fulfilling your own needs. In the example above, you could simply say, "I really want the kitchen painted, and this is the third time you've told me you'd paint it by the end of the month. So I just wanted to let you know that if it's not done by then, I'm going to hire someone to paint it." At that point he'll either paint it by the end of the month or he won't, but either way, you'll have your kitchen painted.  

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