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Dating Website Reviews
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Is
He The Right Guy For You
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Some
women never seem to be able to find "Mr. Right." They go
from one bad boyfriend to another, leaving friends and families
puzzled about their judgment.
"Most women will tell you they've dated 'bad boys, And in
discussing "bad boys," we are not referring to dangerous,
controlling men, men who threaten your safety by verbally or
physically abusing you. She is not talking about men with anger
issues, who might be secret gamblers or substance abusers. Those men
are to be avoided at all costs. These "bad boys" are the
ones who can't commit and will just drive you crazy when you try to
have a relationship with them.
You have to figure out how to stop the pattern of picking the wrong
guys., The problem is that once you've been through this kind of
emotional wringer, you really start to doubt yourself. You ask
yourself, 'What did I do wrong?' Well, you need to take a look at
the pattern."
Her are four specific tips for learning to make better choices.
Review
Previous Mistakes:
Women
can learn to make better choices by looking at the choices they've
made in the past. The first thing you can do is step back and see if
there is a pattern going on. Do you have a history of dating
non-committal guys? What drew you to them initially? Was there
something positive that appealed to you? Sometimes, you're drawn to
the spontaneous, 'fun' guy and that really appeals to you initially.
But then, you begin to see the spontaneous guy as one who becomes a
'rolling stone.'
"Look for the triggers, Is he a risk taker? That risk taker
might be attractive at first, but then, what if he takes risks with
the relationship? Look at what attracted you in the beginning and
see how that attraction manifested itself as the relationship
progressed."
Awareness of the initial trigger can prevent you from being drawn
into that trigger over and over
Monitor
Your Thoughts and Behavior
First, you need to learn to be a better observer. At the beginning
of most relationships, we're caught up with 'how is he responding to
me? Does he like me? Is he falling in like with me? Am I saying and
doing the right thing?'
"Instead, you should observe how he's responding to you. What
is his behavior like? What kind of a guy is he? Is he a free spirit,
and what do you already know about free-spirited guys? And is that
what you're looking for right now?"
Then it's important to monitor your thoughts and behaviors. One of
the biggest things to watch is: What do you tell your friends? Do
you edit what you tell them? Do you leave certain details out
because you know your friends would say, 'You're kidding, why does
he say/do that?' Are you holding anything back from your
friends?"
And, what are you telling yourself about him When he says something
that doesn't seem right, are you saying to yourself, 'I know he
doesn't really mean it'? Or, 'He doesn't know me well enough yet'?
Watch what you tell yourself. Are you telling yourself, 'I know this
is how he is, but I can change that'?" You cannot go into a
relationship with a list of things to change.
While you're being a better observer, take a look at the other
relationships in his life It's key to look at his friends, family
and relationships, even with ex-girlfriends. Guys who have
long-standing friendships, guys who get along with their siblings
and parents and have a nice stay-in-touch way about them are good
guys. These are guys who value continuity. Relationships are
important to them. They are more likely to be emotionally
available."
Finally, in the being-a-better-observer area, you need to pay
attention to what the guys themselves tell you. Listen to how they
describe themselves. Do they say things like, 'I guess I'm trouble.'
Or, 'I haven't found myself yet.'?"
Update Your Criteria
Some boyfriend compasses need to be recalibrated. What worked
for you when you were 19 (maybe you were looking for the
free-spirited guy) may not work for you now. Now you have a new set
of emotional needs. Part of understanding that is opening yourself
up to accepting a new kind of guy. What are your relationship needs
now?"
Postpone Sex As Long As Humanly Possible
Once you become involved in a sexual relationship, you are
emotionally invested in this person and you lose your objectivity.
The longer you can go without becoming sexual, the more likely you
are to see the guy for who he is. It's easier to end a relationship
because nothing's been invested emotionally."
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