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| Using condoms during
anal and vaginal sex will stop most types of STI. Use latex
condoms and water-soluble
lube, and squeeze out air from the tip of the condom. There
are also non-latex alternatives available, but if you use
lambskin, cover it with a latex condom. Pulling out before you
come might guard against infection if the condom breaks during
intercourse. |
| If the condom breaks,
urinating immediately after sex and washing your penis with soap
and water may
help prevent urethral infections, although this
method is not very reliable. |
| During oral sex,
don’t get semen, blood or vaginal fluid in your mouth, since
there is a risk (low) of picking up HIV and hepatitis
B this way. Using a condom prevents spreading HIV and
other STIs from oral sex. |
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| It is also advisable
not to perform oral sex within two hours of flossing or brushing
your teeth, since these activities could cause cuts in the gums,
providing entry points for HIV. |
| Similarly, you should
be careful after recent dental surgery, or if you have problems
with bleeding gums or other sores in your mouth. If you’re
worried because someone has performed oral sex on you, washing and
urinating may help, as noted above. |
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Performing oral sex may
also expose you to hepatitis
A and parasites.
The virus can be present anywhere in the anal area or on fingers
which have touched the anus of an infected person.
Rimming is risky for
the person doing the rimming, since it may expose them to
parasites and hepatitis A. You and your partners should wash the
anal area thoroughly, before engaging in any oral contact near the
anus. Douching is not
a good idea, since it can damage the anal canal and drive
infections further in. |
| Sex toys can pass on
parasites, hepatitis A, HIV and a number of other STIs. Cover sex
toys with condoms, or wash them carefully with bleach and rinse
well before and after using. Keep in mind that the lining of the
anus is easily damaged by fists, dildos and other sex toys, so
precautions should be taken. |
| Routine testing is very
important for people who have casual sex. You can pick up a number
of STIs without having symptoms, so testing may be your only way
of knowing whether or not you’re infected. |
| If you have casual sex,
get a syphilis
blood test at least once a year, depending on how many different
partners you have had, and whether or not you had unprotected sex.
You may also need urethral, anal and throat swabs for gonorrhea
and chlamydia,
depending on what sexual activities you engage in. |
| Get an HIV blood test,
to find out if you’ve been infected with HIV. Don’t assume
you’re negative because you feel well, or because you haven’t
had unsafe sex for a long time. Also, don’t assume that your
sexual partners are HIV negative. Keep in mind that there is now a
lot you can do to stay well, if you test positive. Don’t wait
until it’s too late. |
| Consider getting
vaccinated for hepatitis A and hepatitis B, if you are at risk
(i.e. multiple sexual partners, or sharing needles). |
| Inform your sexual
partner(s) if you have an STI. Speak to a nurse or counsellor
first to decide whom you need to inform. |
| Do not donate blood,
semen or organs, unless you know you have never been infected with
HIV, hepatitis or syphilis. |
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| This
topic is all about safer sex. Safer sex means sexual contact
that:
- Reduces
the risk of passing on any infections
- Reduces
the risk of an unwanted pregnancy
- Is safe emotionally
- Is consented to and is respectful.
|
| Unsafe
sex is sex that allows sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to
be passed on to another person, or sex that could result in an
unwanted pregnancy. No matter who you are, if you're sexually
active or thinking about having sex, it's important to have
information that will help you make the right choices.
Many
young people know that if they are considering having sex, it's
really important to make sure it is safer sex. But it isn't always
easy, and it can be embarrassing. Some people may be less careful
if they've been drinking, and others may forget in the heat of the
moment. If you are considering having sex, it is important to be
able to talk about safe sex with your partner. |
|
Warning!
If you have had unsafe sex (eg. sexual intercourse without a
condom), it is advisable to get medical advice about either having
an STI check or a pregnancy test.
·
If you could be at risk of being
pregnant, the emergency contraceptive pill ('morning after pill')
is available from sexual health clinics, doctor, and chemists. It
prevents unwanted pregnancy, but you need to act quickly - it
works best if started within 72 hours of unprotected sex, but it
may work if started within 96 hours. See the topic 'Emergency
contraceptive pills' for more information.
·
While taking the contraceptive pill
protects from pregnancy, it does not protect from STIs. |
| It
is important that you seek medical attention if you have had
unsafe sex. A doctor’s first aim is to look after your health
and safety and the doctor has to keep everything you discuss
confidential, except when keeping the information
confidential is a risk to your health and safety. |
| Safer
sex means sexual contact that does not
involve any exchange of blood, semen or vaginal fluids. |
-
It
means being safer from STIs and safer from unwanted pregnancy.
- It means covering up parts of the body
that could be infectious.
- It also means that sexual contact
happens in a caring and respectful way, is consented to and no
one feels pressured or forced into sexual contact.
|
| Safer
activities can include kissing, touching, cuddling and using
condoms for sexual intercourse. |
| We
say safer sex
rather than safe
sex because sex can't be guaranteed 100% safe. The best way to
have safe sex is to be in a monogamous relationship (only one
partner) where neither of you has sex outside that relationship
and where you are both free of any STIs. Some people say the only
form of safer sex is to abstain totally (not have sex at all) but
most people would see this as being unrealistic. |
 |
|
Note:
Even when using condoms and dams (a latex sheet used for
mouth/vagina oral sex) for protection or when you only get into
safer sex activities, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can
still be passed on.
Genital warts, genital herpes and other STIs can be passed on
during protected sex (sex with a condom) because the condom does
not always cover the affected area. Scabies or pubic lice can be
passed on just by very close contact.
A
person who has had an STI should not have sex until given the all
clear from the doctor. |
| Young
people can feel a lot of pressure to have sex. Friends may tell
you they're all doing it (sometimes even if they're not). You see
it on the TV and in the movies. You might also feel pressured by a
particular person. Or you might feel that it's expected of you
from a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Here
are some things to think about:
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- Do you feel ready in yourself? If you're
not sure, don't be in a hurry. Wait until you are sure. It
will happen when the time is right for you
- Think about why
you want to have sex.
- Are you in a
mutually caring and respectful relationship? Will it bring
another dimension to an already wonderful relationship? Or is
it to look cool to your mates or your friends? Is it to ease
loneliness or pain?
- Sex can be an
emotionally powerful experience. This means that it can be
powerfully positive or powerfully negative. So think carefully
about your reasons and your partner's reasons for having
sex.
- Talk to your
partner about this. The secret to a good sex life is
communication.
- How does your
partner feel? What are your partner's reasons for having
sex?
- Make sure you
really know the person so you understand each other's
attitudes to sex.
- If your partner's
attitudes, values and outlooks towards sex are not similar to
your own, your experience may not be what you are wanting. For
example, if you are looking for a lasting relationship and
emotional commitment and your partner is wanting casual sex
only, then one of you is going to be hurt if you go
ahead.
- Can you talk to
your partner openly about how you feel? Can your partner talk
to you?
- It's not always
easy, but this is what is needed to make sure you both
consider safer sex.
- You need to be at
ease with one another so you can talk openly.
- Don't let anyone
pressure you - it's your decision, no-one else's.
- Some people will
try to persuade or pressure others into sex before they really
want to.
- If someone else
has a problem with you not having sex, it is their
problem, not yours
- Respect other
people's choices about when it's cool for them to have sex and
when it's not, and what they are prepared or not prepared to
do.
- Don't pressure
anyone else into having sex. Listen to what your partner is
saying.
- Are you old
enough? There are two ways of looking at this. You need to
feel mature enough emotionally. There is also the law to
consider.
- Are you prepared?
That is, do you have condoms ready?
- Just because you
share some intimacy, maybe some kissing and cuddling, or go
out on a date with a person (even if dinner is bought for
you!) it doesn't mean you're obliged to go any further.
- You have the
right to say no at any time.
- Your partner has the
right to say no at any time.
- Your body is your
own and no-one has the right to make you feel pressured into
doing anything you don't want to.
- Do you know enough
about protecting yourself and your partner from diseases or
unwanted pregnancy?
- Do you want to
talk to a health professional first?
|
| Safe Sex Activities |
| Some
safer sexual activities (no exchange of body fluids) |
- Massage,
hugging, touching
- Masturbation
- Social kissing
(kissing with closed mouth).
- Rubbing against
each other.
- Fantasy (just
thinking about sex).
- Kissing the body
(clean skin, not sexual areas or open sores).
- Saying no to
anything you don't feel comfortable about.
|
It
is often assumed that these kinds of activities are only a lead-up
to sexual intercourse. Many people find that these safer forms of
sexual activity are more than enough to express their emotions and
their love for each other.
Some
probably safer sexual activities (there is not likely to be an
exchange of body fluids)
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- French kissing (open mouth, as long as there are no sores and as
long as the kiss isn't so hard it draws blood)
- Sex with a condom.
|
| Some
definitely not safe sexual activities |
- Anything that allows blood
contact.
- Sex without a condom (unless you are in
a relationship where you can be sure that your partner does
not have an STI, and you are using some form of contraception
if you do not want to become pregnant)
- Using condoms that have been used
before, or continuing to use one after it has broken.
- If the condom breaks
- Getting body fluids, eg. semen,
menstrual blood or urine, inside the body of the other person,
eg. vagina or on open cuts
-
|
·
.
Starting a
conversation with a partner (or potential partner) about safer sex can be
tough.
·
It is often difficult to be assertive
when negotiating safer sex.
·
You could worry about your partner's
reaction. You might worry about not knowing how to use a condom.
Many cultures don't speak
openly about sex and this can make it difficult because you're just not
used to talking about it. People are often brought up differently. Men may
have been taught to be more dominant and women taught to be more passive -
this can sometimes make it hard for women to take the lead.
None of these
reasons mean that you should take a chance with unsafe sex.
When you bring the subject
up, it's pretty likely you'll find that the other person has been wanting
to bring the subject up too and feels just as unsure and awkward about it.
It shows that you respect yourself and it shows that you respect your
partner when you ask about safer sex.
The way you start the
conversation will depend on the person and how well you know that person.
One young woman tells us that when she is with a man she's interested in
she's very direct. As they're chatting she asks, "So, do you use
condoms?". You could try saying, "This is pretty embarrassing,
but I wonder if you get into safer sex?". It is preferable to have a
conversation like this before you get to the stage of intimacy.
You may find it easy to be
direct or may want to start broadly eg. "Did you know it's Condom
Awareness Week? What do you think about condom use?" or "I saw a
display at a health centre on safer sex today. What do you think about
safer sex?". This way, you will at least get some idea of the other's
approach to safer sex. Perhaps you could ask friends for their favourite
lines.
If the person doesn't like
the idea of using a condom, you have choices. You could:
·
ask why and be persuasive about the
benefits
·
practice other methods of safer sex
that don't involve the exchange of any body fluids
·
decide to walk away and not take that
risk.
Remember, you
deserve protection from unwanted pregnancy or an infection.
Common
excuses for not practicing safer sex
Here are some of the
common excuses for not using condoms or dams that we've heard are:
·
"It destroys the romance and
spontaneity"
o
Ways to get around this are to keep
condoms or dams close at hand, like in a handbag; strategic places around
the house, or a bedside table. This way you don't have to stop and search
for it. (Don't keep a condom in a warm place such as a wallet or car for
too long or it will break down.)
o
You can make putting a condom on or
fixing a dam a part of your lovemaking.
o
Make it fun by using different types of
condoms and lubricant.
·
"Hey, I'm not dirty - I'm
clean"
o
Catching an STI doesn't mean a person
is dirty, it simply means the person has come into contact with someone
else who also had an STI. They may have no symptoms or visible signs of
the infection.
·
"I hardly ever have sex"
o
It only takes one contact with a person
with an STI to be at risk of catching it - a person can have an STI for a
long time without realising, and still pass it on because it won't go away
on its own.
·
"I'm not gay. I'm not an injecting
drug user"
o
Some people still have the mistaken
idea that only gay men and injecting drug users get HIV/AIDS - anyone can get HIV/AIDS.
o
Condoms reduce the risk of getting
HIV/AIDS and many other STIs.
·
"Don't you trust me?"
o
Certainly you may trust your partner,
but can you trust her previous partner(s) and their previous partners?
o
Taking an STI test together can be a
very positive experience.
·
"I thought we loved each
other"
o
If a person pressures you this way, and
is willing to take these risks with your health, perhaps it's time to
rethink what you really want from a lover.
·
"But I'm already using
contraception"
o
Condoms are not only for protection
from pregnancy, but also provide some protection from STIs.
·
"It's not as good with a
condom"
o
So maybe sex with a condom on doesn't
feel exactly like sex without one - but people very soon get used to it
and enjoy sex just as much.
o
And because you're both safer
physically, you feel better and more relaxed emotionally.
Persuasion
lines to have safer sex
Here are some persuasion
lines to have safer sex that we've heard
·
Let's stay safe together.
·
I know you don't think it'll feel as
good, but let's give it a go and see.
·
Come on, it can be fun.
·
I'll put it on for you.
·
I'll last longer.
·
I don't want you to fall pregnant.
·
I feel embarrassed talking about it
too... but it'll be worth it.
·
It's really important to me.
·
Darling, are you ready to be a
daddy/mummy?
·
Look, condoms in all the colours of the
rainbow... choose one.
·
No sex without it babe.
·
How do you know I don't have… (an STI
eg. Chlamydia).
Too much
to drink or carried away?
One reason that
young people have said they don't use condoms is because they've been too
drunk at the time.
·
The best way to avoid this is to not
get into an unsafe situation in the first place. Check out our topic 'Alcohol'
for some tips.
Another reason people have
said they have unsafe sex is that they get carried away in the heat of the
moment. That is why it's really important to discuss
Risk of
pregnancy?
If there is a risk of pregnancy, talk
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